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Once I stopped looking for it


Once I stopped looking for it, I saw your face,
Never knew what this would turn into.
One night, some cards, and a hallway made me see you in a new way.
I never knew how badly I would be wanting to stay.

It didn’t start off perfectly, we jumped in too fast.
One week and you asked us to last.
I told you, there's no way, you smiled and made it feel so right.

Two weeks down the line, we are laying on the grass.
I hold your head in my hands.
And you're telling me none of what I asked.
We’re rolling on the floor at 11 pm, crippling, crumbling and crying.
The end. 

I go to bed, I wake up, I’ve never felt like this before.
Like somethings missing, like I got robbed of my most precious thing.
Days go by, I see you smile.
I shed so many tears, sit outside the club, see nothing but dark.
I cry myself to sleep, I walk myself at night.

Then we talk.
You open up once more.
Good communication that’s all we need. 

We try and try and I say that I can't do this no more.
You try to make it work, its fucking with your mind.
I come to try and comfort you and then we find ourselves hand in hand, heart to heart, like it’s the only thing we need.

We give it another shot, no point in acting like a fool, once its broken, no way to reconnect.
Man was I wrong.
As if that is exactly what we needed.

It all leads to more nights in the basement, Closer than ever before.
We go away, drive hundreds of miles, learn to laugh, learn to smile, I give my all, you give me more.
We curse and laugh, we cry and talk, we fight and hide, we joke all night.

You were the light in my life, the yellow to my green.


-13.01.2020



The Biggest Inspiration

What has inspired me heaps lately...



https://centerforpoetry.files.wordpress.com/2015/11/writing-poetry.jpg

melancholy nights


driven by emotions..
probs deleting this in the morning.




I'm laying bed feeling nothing but the warmth of your body pressed closed to mine.
A very comforting feeling actually.
Until I realize that you’re not here.
It were only my thoughts desperately longing for you presence.
My thoughts trick me, they trick me all the time.
They make me believe you are so close.
The thought of you takes me away.
Your words take me to a different place.
They take away the loneliness even if it’s just for a second and as soon as that moments passes it hurts so much.
Bittersweet.
Needing you.
Nothing but you.


And then I find myself, contemplating, fearing that I might not feel the same way when I wake up.

Have my thoughts tricked me again?
Ruthless, unpredictable, going strong and stronger.
Not stopping for anything or anyone.
Not letting anyone else close to my heart.
All my mind wants is you.
You and me, in the place where we left off.
Far away, in a space were nothing else mattered.

Is it only the melancholy driving my feelings?
Putting me in this head space?
Is it real? 

 

May I find myself here again, night after night.
Days just keep on passing by;
but the nights give me something.

They give me you.
Even if it’s just for a fond little moment, for a fond little thought. 



// 13/01/16










Artist of the Week - Rudy Francisco

Simply turning words into pure art.


Definitions - Rudy Francisco
"Envy is when someone walks around with a pocket full of “That should’ve been me”.
Insecurity is when you turn up the volume on all the wrong voices.

Hate is what happens when you put a shotgun to the face of understanding and it cowers in the corner.

Courage is ripping your heart from your chest and saying “Here, hold on to this for me”.

Truth is everything you tell yourself when you realize you are the only one still paying attention.

Self is whoever you become when the door is locked.

Trust is jumping into someone’s arms and knowing you won’t have to pick yourself up when it’s over.

Love is a tablespoon full of hemlock that I’ve been dying to try.

Faith is doing what you love and watching the bills pay themselves.

Failure is when you talk yourself out of becoming something amazing.

Victory is standing in front of the school bully with no intention to back down and a fist full of irony.

Success is explaining to your mother exactly what you do for a living without feeling ashamed. It’s falling asleep at 2 A.M., waking up at 4 A.M. and going to work with excitement stitched into the fabric of your smile.

Success is a thank you letter from a kid who lives in a city that you’ve never even been to. It’s breaking up a fight between a person and everything that’s telling them they will never be more than what they are.

When I was fourteen, my friend Adam stole a dictionary from his English class. He brought it home and we set it on fire.
Since then, I’ve been defining things for myself."


All of his poems are so incredibly pure and beautiful. You can find the rest of his poetry here.
I also listen to this non stop.

Another one of my favorites..:
"[...] I assume it's because I usually find myself dedicating time to things
That will only last a few moments
That's also why I tend to fall in love with women
Who would never love me back[...] "
 

(extract from 'My Honest Poem')


-Goodnight :)


Poems I never finished #2

"I have never truly loved.
Or have I?

I would remember your favorite song and listen to it on repeat
until the words were engraved onto my soul.
I would watch you sleep and see the dark skies turn blue, while this peaceful breathing of yours took my dreams away.
I would count the freckles on your face and darling, the way your eyes wrinkle when you smile,
I still know them by heart.
If the thought of you had a smell to it, it would smell like old lemonwood and pages of a book that haven't been touched in a very long time.

But oh well,
I have never truly loved I guess."

// S. - 2014








Poems I never finished #1





"I remember the places
The stars upon our heads
I want to tell the world about the beauty I have seen 
about the tears I have shed

but all I can find myself doing 

is crumbling up the pages when midnight rolls around,
feeling every vein in my wrists go cold as the thought of you lingers my mind
still writing about nothing
but you"

//s.m.

4am

 

  10/05/2015

4am

"I find myself thinking at 4am. I find myself thinking about you.
I don't know who you are. I don't know when and how I'm gonna meet you.
All I know is what you are like.
You are all the things, I've mistaken the ones before you for.

You are loving, you are kind. You are the kind of person that doesn't give up on things. 
You admire simple things. You are silly at times. You hide your fears. 
You think life is an enigma, a beautiful mosaic filled with endless possibilities.

Even though forthwith you only exist on this paper, I'm aware of your existence.
I crave to know you.
I don't know where you are, I don't know what your life is all about just now.

But I know that our paths will cross at some point in this life."



// s.m.