62 Day Dream


While I  spent all of my life waiting for love to peek its head around the corner of the house which I call my heart, I never once expected things to turn out the way they did.

I easily lose my mind over things. I easily fall in love with people, and I obsess over things once I start liking them. That's just how it's always been for me.
That is also the reason why I never thought things could go wrong over the fact that I just seem to not beable to commit myself fully. I am the reason things failed. Which is not supposed to sound all down and depressed. It's just a fact. I know things could have been perfect. They could have been exactly how I always pictured them. And they were. For a while. For a short while. I was happy. But soon enough I realized that it wasn't particularly what I wanted. And that is okay. I'm so appreciative of the time I had, getting to know this sweet thing called love. And I will be more than happy to welcome it again once it decides to knock onto the doors of my heart again.

However, it still makes me wonder: what exactly made it so hard for me?
I think it's all in my head. Once things start to look bright and my life seems to be heading into a  complete new direction, I just start to close up.
I close up to opportunities, and to taking new chances. Even though taking risks was always something I loved, and I do still love it, but apparently not when it comes to love.
I've often asked myself why my mind is the way it is. Why I always seem to crave what I can't have. I guess thats just the way it is for a lot of people. We begin to build a feeling of need for the things  that are the furthest away. I think I that is the reason I always craved love, simply because I never had it.


The Biggest Inspiration

What has inspired me heaps lately...



https://centerforpoetry.files.wordpress.com/2015/11/writing-poetry.jpg

Letting Go and Missing Pieces

A few random thoughts my notebook has collected over the past couple of months..


"I've finally come to terms with the fact that it is better to let you go.
I'm slowly starting to realise that the only reason I couldn't let go of you for over 2 years now is the fact that you were never actually here.
As hard as it is to physically let go of people, I feel like it is even harder to let go of memories; Of the certain image we have in mind of someone.
This image that has been with me for such a long time now, that has always given me hope that someday i will be back in your arms, back to where I was the happiest I have ever been.

If we are around people, they slowly begin to live in our hearts.
But if we are apart from someone and all we have left are memories? These memories do live in our souls. And it is so incredibly difficult to let go of th
is.
How do we let go of something that has never really been here?"


//

"Isn't it funny how everyone slowly begins to find they're 'missing piece', or think they did. I actually don't believe in the concept of feeling incomplete without someone else.. but still:
I wonder what happens to those who have been broken so many times on their way trying to find the missing piece, that no other piece seems to fit anymore? What happens to the lost souls that are only existing, not living anymore?"


melancholy nights


driven by emotions..
probs deleting this in the morning.




I'm laying bed feeling nothing but the warmth of your body pressed closed to mine.
A very comforting feeling actually.
Until I realize that you’re not here.
It were only my thoughts desperately longing for you presence.
My thoughts trick me, they trick me all the time.
They make me believe you are so close.
The thought of you takes me away.
Your words take me to a different place.
They take away the loneliness even if it’s just for a second and as soon as that moments passes it hurts so much.
Bittersweet.
Needing you.
Nothing but you.


And then I find myself, contemplating, fearing that I might not feel the same way when I wake up.

Have my thoughts tricked me again?
Ruthless, unpredictable, going strong and stronger.
Not stopping for anything or anyone.
Not letting anyone else close to my heart.
All my mind wants is you.
You and me, in the place where we left off.
Far away, in a space were nothing else mattered.

Is it only the melancholy driving my feelings?
Putting me in this head space?
Is it real? 

 

May I find myself here again, night after night.
Days just keep on passing by;
but the nights give me something.

They give me you.
Even if it’s just for a fond little moment, for a fond little thought. 



// 13/01/16










Artist of the Week - Rudy Francisco

Simply turning words into pure art.


Definitions - Rudy Francisco
"Envy is when someone walks around with a pocket full of “That should’ve been me”.
Insecurity is when you turn up the volume on all the wrong voices.

Hate is what happens when you put a shotgun to the face of understanding and it cowers in the corner.

Courage is ripping your heart from your chest and saying “Here, hold on to this for me”.

Truth is everything you tell yourself when you realize you are the only one still paying attention.

Self is whoever you become when the door is locked.

Trust is jumping into someone’s arms and knowing you won’t have to pick yourself up when it’s over.

Love is a tablespoon full of hemlock that I’ve been dying to try.

Faith is doing what you love and watching the bills pay themselves.

Failure is when you talk yourself out of becoming something amazing.

Victory is standing in front of the school bully with no intention to back down and a fist full of irony.

Success is explaining to your mother exactly what you do for a living without feeling ashamed. It’s falling asleep at 2 A.M., waking up at 4 A.M. and going to work with excitement stitched into the fabric of your smile.

Success is a thank you letter from a kid who lives in a city that you’ve never even been to. It’s breaking up a fight between a person and everything that’s telling them they will never be more than what they are.

When I was fourteen, my friend Adam stole a dictionary from his English class. He brought it home and we set it on fire.
Since then, I’ve been defining things for myself."


All of his poems are so incredibly pure and beautiful. You can find the rest of his poetry here.
I also listen to this non stop.

Another one of my favorites..:
"[...] I assume it's because I usually find myself dedicating time to things
That will only last a few moments
That's also why I tend to fall in love with women
Who would never love me back[...] "
 

(extract from 'My Honest Poem')


-Goodnight :)


Poems I never finished #2

"I have never truly loved.
Or have I?

I would remember your favorite song and listen to it on repeat
until the words were engraved onto my soul.
I would watch you sleep and see the dark skies turn blue, while this peaceful breathing of yours took my dreams away.
I would count the freckles on your face and darling, the way your eyes wrinkle when you smile,
I still know them by heart.
If the thought of you had a smell to it, it would smell like old lemonwood and pages of a book that haven't been touched in a very long time.

But oh well,
I have never truly loved I guess."

// S. - 2014








Poems I never finished #1





"I remember the places
The stars upon our heads
I want to tell the world about the beauty I have seen 
about the tears I have shed

but all I can find myself doing 

is crumbling up the pages when midnight rolls around,
feeling every vein in my wrists go cold as the thought of you lingers my mind
still writing about nothing
but you"

//s.m.